What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
