I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
