Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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