omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
