glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
