drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
