so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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