Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
