would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just pynch a tree in the face
I cockslap morals
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
