Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
