I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
