she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
