No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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