you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
