I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
