i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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