as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
