The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
