Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
