...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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