Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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