just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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