Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
