Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
