My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
