do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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