38 yer olds are good kisserssss
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
