I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
