She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
