every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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