well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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