If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
