She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
