Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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