Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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