what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
