I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
no. you can't hotbox the world.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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