What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
