have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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