I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
