you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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