He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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