Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
