If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
