The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
