sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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