I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
