Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
