She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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