I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
