Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
