I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
