I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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